Even as you go to the ground after offering a TASER-wielding-geo-bachelorette some help getting groceries into her SUV, it may warm your fibrillating heart to know that TASER is donating a portion of its AAFES sales back to the MWR fund.

The next time you’re cruising the AAFES Web Mall or Web Exchange, you may be shocked to find the only things between you and two discounted TASER models is a credit card and a mouse click.

You can use their “ChecLok” system to activate your trusty new TASER C2 while your unsuspecting roommates sleep. Once you pass their online background check, they issue a unique activation code that (their words, not ours) “adds to the accountability of the end user.” I smell mayhem.

On the other hand, if you would like to be unaccountable, just order the TASER X26C. That one appears to arrive ready for bro-taming action.