Meme: What my LPO thinks I do
February 27th, 2012 | Entertainment Humor | Posted by Sam Fellman
Doctors have one. So do karaoke singers, movie directors, librarians, pilots, journalists and disc-jockeys. Now, sailors can claim their own What-people-think-I-do meme.
For the uninitiated, that’s the Navy’s top enlisted man, Master Chief Petty Officer of the Navy (SS/SW) Rick West, mugging in the top center photo. Scoop Deck thinks the rest of the 6-photo slide, designed by a sailor, speaks for itself — and with its own salt.
SECNAV: Former CNO’s dogs a bit salty
September 27th, 2011 | Admirals Chief of naval operations Humor | Posted by Sam Fellman
Clancy, the Rougheads' labrador, made a cameo in the 2009 holiday message (at the bottom of the screen). // U.S. Navy
Speakers paid tribute to the family of former Chief of Naval Operations Adm. Gary Roughead at his retirement ceremony last Friday in Annapolis. Navy Secretary Ray Mabus presented an award to his wife Ellen and thanked his daughter Elizabeth “for sharing your father with us.”
But for two other members of the Roughead family, Mabus’ compliments proved double-edged.
“And I can’t fail to mention the contributions of Clancy, the smiling Labrador, and Arleigh, the latest addition, although I do have to say that the vaunted discipline of Gary Roughead does not seem to have rubbed off on the dogs at all,” Mabus said.
Clancy appeared in the CNO’s 2009 holiday message — he sleeps throughout the 45-second clip. Since this seems to be Clancy’s only appearance on Navy.mil, it is difficult to confirm Mabus’ charge that Clancy and Arleigh are a little too salty.
Clancy and Arleigh could not be reached for comment. No pictures of Arleigh were available.
Mullen v. Stewart, round three
September 15th, 2011 | Admirals Entertainment Humor Washington | Posted by Sam Fellman
Adm. Mike Mullen weathered comedian Jon Stewart's jokes well in a Sept. 12 interview. // DoD photo
As he prepares to step down from the military’s top post in two weeks, Adm. Mike Mullen braved the bright lights and barbs of The Daily Show on Monday one last time.
Mullen, while discussing his career, braced himself for the comedic trap, which host Jon Stewart laid about a trip they had taken together to Afghanistan in July to visit the troops. Mullen — a veteran of three wars, not to mention countless comedy show appearances — proved his mettle.
“I was surprised that when we landed at Kandahar, that you forced them to carry you around on a litter. I thought that was interesting,” Stewart said pausing, seeing if Mullen would take the bait. He smirked instead. Stewart continued: “I don’t know where they got rose petals. Certainly it’s a dry and arid place. But I’m glad you were comfortable.”
“That usually only happens once a trip,” Mullen replied to laughs.
What’s next for Mullen?
“My plan is to take a long winter’s nap,” he told Stewart.
The appearance seemed to stay on track more than Mullen’s June interview on The Late Show with David Letterman, when he answered so many questions about mistakes early in his career that he asked Letterman, “Where is this going, Dave?”
Mullen wore service dress khaki, the first time he’s worn it in his three appearances on The Daily Show. Appreciating Mullen’s sartorial sense, Stewart told him, at the end of the interview, that he hoped “that I get to try on that jacket at some point.”
“This is not a sergeant’s jacket,” Mullen replied.
At INSURV site, life ring is front and center
July 7th, 2011 | Board of Inspection and Survey Humor Navy | Posted by Sam Fellman
In case the 14-hour days of checks, inventories, walk-throughs and re-checks leading up to a Board of Inspection and Survey visit lead you to think dark thoughts, there’s help: a link to a suicide prevention hotline is front and center on the INSURV website.
“Life is worth living,” it says. Clicking on the life ring redirects you to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website.
These suicide prevention links are common on Navy sites, appearing on most – if not all – official websites. But normally, this button is tucked in alongside other links to Navy.mil, Navy Freedom of Information Act, and Navy and Marine Corps recruiting. On INSURV’s page, the suicide link stands alone, right below the board’s contact info – as one eagle-eyed Navy Times reader pointed out.
It’s as if the sudden realization that INSURV is bearing down on you might lead to some unsavory thoughts.
Early stumbles didn’t sink admiral’s career
June 15th, 2011 | Admirals Humor Naval Academy Officers | Posted by Sam Fellman
Adm. Mike Mullen recounted his early career missteps to laughs on the Late Show with David Letterman. // Defense Department
If your career seems rocky, consider this one: He was nearly booted from college, graduated in the bottom third of his class, and only a few years into his naval career, he struck a buoy with his ship.
That lackluster start belongs to Adm. Mike Mullen, now the military’s top officer.
Mullen recounted his early stumbles as a midshipman and junior officer to laughs and applause on the Late Show with David Letterman on June 13.
In his first month as a senior at the Naval Academy, Mullen said he racked up 115 demerits; only 35 more and he would be expelled, he noted.
“Wait a minute: and now you’re the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff?” Letterman replied, to applause. “I mean, does anybody look at your records?”
For his part, Mullen said it took 11 years to recover from hitting a buoy while he commanded a gasoline tanker and attributed his eventual success to finding good mentors and not giving up.
A partial transcript is below, edited for brevity.
David Letterman: What kind of student were you at Annapolis?
Mike Mullen: Ah, not that good.
DL: I don’t know anything about it other than their system of demerits in Annapolis and I guess all military academies, maybe schools generally. What do you have to do to get a demerit?
MM: Well, there are actually a lot of things that you could do and actually I got my fair share of demerits.
DL: You remember the high number of your visit there?
MM: Well in the last year that I was there, my senior year, you could only get 150 and if you get a 150 demerits you get kicked out. And I managed to get 115 within the first month.
DL: Wait a minute: and now you’re the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff? I mean, does anybody look at your records? How does this happen? [applause] What was the problem?
MM: Actually when I got there, having no idea, I just met really great people and one of the reasons that I’m in the military today is because I’ve been around great people for coming up on 47 years, truly extraordinary. And some of us like to have a good time. So I just had a good time early in my senior year and didn’t do much the rest of the year.
DL: That’s interesting, isn’t it? Where did you graduate in the class?
MM: In the bottom third.
DL: Wow. [applause] The audience applauding underachievement.
DL: So now [you’re] chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. How did you get the job and what do you do there?
MM: I stayed in the Navy originally because I had the honor of commanding a ship early in my career. I was in my mid-20s.
DL: What was the ship?
MM: A gasoline tanker, really from Vietnam and World War II, a 100 sailors, deployed to the Mediterranean and the responsibility was great and actually getting exposed to the world was really great. And enjoyed that and wanted to command.
DL: How old were you as a captain?
MM: The first time I commanded a ship I was 26.
DL: 26. Wow. I didn’t even have a driver’s license when I was 26. Is that typical of ship captains, they tend to be in their mid-20s?
MM: Well, some of them. For young lieutenants and those — you’re encouraged to do this by some and you’re encouraged to not do it by others because you take a real chance in your career and actually at the end of that two years, my career was in pretty bad shape.
DL: Really?
MM: Yes.
DL: For reasons that what, were out of your control?
MM: Well I received on what I would call an A-to-F scale an evaluation that was in the F category and it took me – for an incident I had when I accidentally collided with a buoy in the channel, which is not a good – Where is this going, Dave?
DL: Wow. Wow.
MM: But it took me, so it took me about 11 years to actually recover from that and get my next command and a couple after that. But no aspirations to ever get to this level.
DL: Well I guess, in all aspects of the military, but certainly in terms of leadership, it is fraught. It’s a minefield. I mean the mistakes are all there for a man or a woman to make.
MM: One of the things that I’ve learned is more from those mistakes than I have from those successes. It was a measure of getting up after those mistakes and actually having mentors who saw something in me that might bode well for the future and let me continue.
DL: Did you ever think consider, well, geez, maybe because of how I did at Annapolis and running into the pier in San Diego or whatever it was, maybe I really am not going to get my sea legs under me here?
MM: Actually, never gave it a second thought.
Cheese sub surfaces
May 10th, 2011 | Humor Navy Submarines World War II | Posted by Sam Fellman
USS Jallao, a Wisconsin-built attack sub that earned it stripes in World War II, surfaces in pure Wisconsin cheddar. // Angela Hemauer
When submarine vets gathered last Thursday in Manitowoc, Wis., they found an accurate – and edible – tribute to their years of undersea service: a 22-inch-long sculpture of attack submarine Jallao made of pure cheese.
It was the creation of Sarah Kaufmann, a.k.a. the Cheese Lady. You won’t be surprised to know that this “nationally-recognized cheese sculptor,” according to a press release, hails from Wisconsin, the nation’s cheese capital. (Jallao was built with sturdy two-year-old aged Wisconsin cheddar.)
Behind the conning tower of the surfacing sub is its hull number, 368. Jallao was one of 28 subs built by Manitowoc Shipping Co. during World War II. After commissioning it in 1944, Jallao’s crew headed to the Pacific theater and earned four battle stars – also depicted in cheese. The gathering in Wisconsin last weekend was for vets who served aboard the 28 Wisconsin-built subs and their families.
This is not the first naval fromage-homage for Kaufmann. A few years ago, she sculpted a model of carrier Ronald Reagan in Sargento as big as a small boulder.
‘Spiced’: A Very Special episode
April 6th, 2011 | Humor leadership Naval Safety Center Navy spice Uniforms Video | Posted by Dave Brown
Remember in the ’80s when sitcoms did Very Special episodes? Who will ever forget Jessie’s freak out when she took caffeine pills? Or the time Urkel got drunk and almost died? And don’t get Scoop Deck started on the time Brad got high, or on Uncle Ned’s drinking problem.
The sailors up at the Naval Submarine School in Groton, Conn., are reliving those glory days with “Spiced.” It’s a Very Special episode that naturally features puppets named “Josh” and “Greg” and the latter’s struggle with a very real problem in today’s Navy.
Spice and other designer drugs are scary stuff. And the part about getting kicked out of the Navy for using is no joke. Just ask any of these former mids or former amphibious assault ship Bataan sailors.
Thanks Josh and Greg. You made us laugh, and you made us think. You also taught us that sailors are referring to their Navy working uniforms as “N-dubs.” Brilliant.
Intestinal bug crashes swim meet at USNA
March 8th, 2011 | Humor Naval Academy Navy Swimming | Posted by Sam Fellman
A virus sickened 100 swimmers at the Naval Academy pool over the weekend. // Matt Wengler via Flickr
Something crashed a swim meet at the Naval Academy’s pool.
More than 800 swimmers, ages 8 to 17, gathered there over the weekend for the Maryland Swimming Championship meet, held at Lejeune Hall on the academy’s campus when an intestinal bug struck, reports The Annapolis Capital.
The pool soon became a sick ward, with enough swimmers vomiting that the meet had to be stopped for 15 minutes so the deck could be swabbed. One parent at the meet told The Annapolis Capital that she saw a swimmer hit the end of his lane, throw up, then flip and continue the race.
“It was crazy,” the parent, Carole Parker, told the Capital.
Dr. Lucy Wilson of the Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene is trying to determine what sort of gastrointestinal pathogen it was, which produced nausea, fevers, and diarrhea in more than 100 participants. She said the most likely culprit for spreading the disease was the crowded poolside area, not the water.
“Our expectation is that it won’t be the pool itself, but would be passed person-to-person,” she said. Her center is now collecting stool samples.
The apparent cause of the illness was not the Naval Academy pool or facilities, subsequently tested by Anne Arundel County Health Department and academy staff, academy spokewoman Deborah Goode said.
The Dripper or the Trickle Down Café?
March 2nd, 2011 | Carriers Humor Life at Sea Navy | Posted by Joshua Stewart
On Jan. 31 a new coffee shop opened up on the aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan. Apparently Hellcat Café, as it’s called, is popular enough to draw lines several sailors deep. Cafés on other carriers have also been notably successful.
However, there’s just one problem: the name. Granted, Hellcat Café has a nice ring to it, and it’s a clever reference to the 1957 submarine flick “Hellcats of the Navy” which starred Reagan. There are, however, other monikers that could have worked. Namely, The Dripper, a la The Gipper, or the Trickle Down Café, a reference to the 40th president’s economic policy.
Any other ideas?
CHANGE TO U.S. NAVY EARLY RETIREMENT PROGRAM …
January 18th, 2011 | Facebook Humor Navy Personnel | Posted by Bill McMichael
… but not really.
Had to add the disclaimer … retirement benefits are a mighty touchy topic. But while it’s got some age on it now, this is a priceless spoof we found on Facebook:
- CHANGE TO U.S. NAVY EARLY RETIREMENT PROGRAM
-
SUBJ: CHANGE TO U.S. NAVY EARLY RETIREMENT PROGRAM
A. PERSONNEL MANUAL, COMNAVINST M1000.6(SERIES)
1. AS A RESULT OF SENATE PROPOSED FORCE REDUCTIONS AND BUDGET CUTS THE U.S. NAVY HAS DEVELOPED A PROGRAM TO REDUCE THE NUMBER OF ACTIVE DUTY PERSONNEL.
THIS PROGRAM IS UNDER TEST PHASE AND WILL BE EFFECTIVE 1 JANUARY 2009. UNDER THIS NEW PROGRAM, OLDER SAILORS WILL BE ASKED TO GO ON EARLY RETIREMENT, THUS PERMITTING THE RETENTION OF THE YOUNGER SAILORS WHO REPRESENT THE FUTURE. THEREFORE, THIS PROGRAM WILL PHASE OUT OLDER SAILORS BY THE END OF THE NEXT FISCAL YEAR. THIS INITIAL PHASE OF THE PROGRAM WILL BE KNOWN AS SLAP (SAILORS LATE-AGED PROGRAM). SAILORS WHO ARE SLAPPED WILL BE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO LOOK FOR JOBS OUTSIDE THE U.S. NAVY. SLAPPED SAILORS CAN REQUEST A REVIEW OF THEIR PERSONNEL RECORDS BEFORE ACTUAL RETIREMENT TAKES PLACE.2. THIS PHASE OF THE PROGRAM IS CALLED SCREW (SURVEY OF CAPABILITIES OF RETIRED EARLY WORKERS). ALL SAILORS WHO HAVE BEEN SLAPPED OR SCREWED MAY FILE AN APPEAL WITH THEIR CHAIN OF COMMAND WITH FINAL AUTHORITY AT THE AREA LEVEL.
3. THIS IS CALLED SHAFT (STUDY BY HIGHER AUTHORITY FOLLOWING TERMINATION). UNDER THE TERMS OF THE NEW POLICY, A SAILOR MAY BE SLAPPED ONCE, SCREWED TWICE, BUT MAY BE SHAFTED AS MANY TIMES AS THE U.S. NAVY DEEMS APPROPRIATE. IF A SAILOR FOLLOWS THE ABOVE PROCEDURES, HE/SHE WILL BE ENTITLED TO GET HERPES (HALF EARNINGS FOR RETIRED PERSONNEL’S EARLY SEVERANCE) OR CLAP (COMBINED LUMP-SUM ASSISTANCE PAYMENT), UNLESS HE/SHE ALREADY HAS AIDS (ADDITIONAL INCOME FROM DEPENDENTS OR SPOUSE).
4. AS HERPES AND CLAP ARE CONSIDERED BENEFIT PLANS, ANY SAILOR WHO HAS RECEIVED HERPES OR CLAP WILL NO LONGER BE SLAPPED OR SCREWED BY THE U.S. NAVY. THE U.S. NAVY WISHES TO ASSURE THE YOUNGER SAILORS WHO REMAIN ON BOARD, THAT THE U.S. NAVY WILL CONTINUE ITS POLICY OF TRAINING SAILORS THROUGH OUR SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (****). THE U.S. NAVY TAKES PRIDE IN THE AMOUNT OF **** OUR SAILORS RECEIVE. WE HAVE GIVEN OUR SAILORS MORE **** THAN ANY OTHER SERVICE. IF ANY SAILOR FEELS THEY DO NOT RECEIVE ENOUGH **** AT THEIR CURRENT DUTY STATION, SEE YOUR IMMEDIATE SUPERVISOR. YOUR SUPERVISOR IS SPECIALLY TRAINED TO MAKE SURE YOU RECEIVE ALL THE **** YOU CAN STAND.
5. THIS CHANGE WILL BE INCORPORATED INTO A FUTURE CHANGE TO REF A.
6. INTERNET RELEASE AUTHORIZED. (read less)
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