Andrew Voelke admitted to being a bit nervous the first time he went to a Good Grief Camp for children of the fallen.
"I am usually very shy," the 12-year-old said.
But then he met his mentor Kailie, an Air Force pilot at the camp, held as part of the annual Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors Memorial Day gathering of families.
"She was a really good mentor and helped me through my first year and talked about my loss with me," Andrew said. "Then she gave me one of her Air Force wingman coins I still have to this day. After that, I definitely wanted to come back."
Andrew is one of more than 7,000 children of the fallen who have been connected with military mentors over the past five years alone at Good Grief camps through TAPS, held throughout the year around the country.
Andrew spoke at a TAPS celebration recognizing the 20 years that the organization has been providing mentors to these children.
The goal of the mentor program is to help children build lasting relationships that reconnect them to the military life they once knew. The children also develop coping skills and support systems as they build friendships with other kids who understand what they are living through.
Andrew was 8 when his father, Maj. Paul Voelke, was killed in Afghanistan in 2012. He and his dad were very close, he said; he recalls sitting on the couch when his father came home from work, waiting for him to change out of his uniform and play catch with him.
"Even though nothing can replace the hole in my heart, I am so grateful for the experiences that I have with TAPS and my mentors. ... I never feel alone. ... I know my mentors are just a phone call away," Andrew said.
"It is nice to have one-on-one attention with someone who understood what my dad did for a living and why he did it. Even though we don't live on a military base, my mentors give me a connection to the military that I miss."
Although Andrew's first mentor was transferred to Seattle, she returned to be his mentor at the Good Grief Camp when he returned for his second visit. When she was unable to return the third year, TAPS found Andrew another mentor, who has inspired him "to be what I want to be when I grow up: a Marine."
Andrew noted that his new mentor also has taught him some really good plays in their pickup football games, and he wears his mentor's sergeant pin on his backpack to school every day.
TAPS also has a partnership with Big Brothers Big Sisters to provide mentors at the Good Grief camps, expanding the number of mentors available around the country. Like TAPS, the Big Brothers Big Sisters program engages active-duty, reserve, retired or recently separated service members, as well as civilians, as volunteer mentors.
The BBBS staff carefully matches adult mentors with children in long-term, one-to-one friendships, and provides professional support for the volunteers, children and families throughout the life of the match.
But the children aren't the only ones who benefit from these relationships.
Robert Rice first became a mentor in May 2001 while serving in the Air Force Honor Guard in the Washington, D.C., area. He began with one-on-one mentoring, then moved to being a group leader, shepherding groups of up to 25 children and their mentors.
"When I was at the honor guard, some days we did up to six funerals ... we'd get into a rhythm where we'd go from one funeral to the next," Rice said.
Working with TAPS, he added, showed him that a funeral, in and of itself, "is one step in a long journey of loss and grief."
"TAPS is there for them, and I'm proud to be part of it," said Rice, who was named 2015 TAPS Mentor of the Year at the Nov. 17 event..
Helping reconnect with the military community is an important part of the mentoring process for the children, but Rice said he has benefited, too: "For me, since getting out in 2006, this has served as a big connection to that military community."
In 2002, his second year as a volunteer, he mentored a child whose Navy father had been killed on 9/11 at the Pentagon.
"It was such a raw time for the military community," he said. "Just to be there for him was very memorable. We've stayed in touch throughout the years, and he's almost finished his master's, he's engaged … and he's become a mentor, too."
Rice noted that he initially became a mentor when his boss told him that he "was going to be a volunteer."
"He said I would volunteer for TAPS because it would change my life ... he couldn't have been more right."
Karen has covered military families, quality of life and consumer issues for Military Times for more than 30 years, and is co-author of a chapter on media coverage of military families in the book "A Battle Plan for Supporting Military Families." She previously worked for newspapers in Guam, Norfolk, Jacksonville, Fla., and Athens, Ga.
